I have a question for this nation (United States of America).
Why don’t we have more role models like Edna and Wilbur? Why is it increasingly thrust upon us as a society that a perfect relationship, while having many ‘requirements’, being a skinny woman is a must? Not only is it a must for the woman to be skinny, but why is it shameful for a man to pick a woman who is not? Why are they frowned at and called ‘chubby chasers?’ Further more on the flip side, why is it frowned upon for a skinny woman to choose a larger man?
My husband is six-foot-one, weighs less than 170lbs, and eats well beyond what he should and it never shows. He’s just as lean and tall as he’s always been, and even the small amount that he’s gained isn’t note-worthy anywhere on his body. He’s a bean pole.
I am five-foot-one, weighing in at just beneath 200lbs and I am constantly starving myself (no, not literally starving because I know to lose weight you must still eat, but it feels like starving when you give up your favorite foods at first!) and it never shows. I used to be a ‘healthy’ woman of 130lbs who was physically active every day in dance, but my life changed completely with the birth of my one and only son.
Since gaining the weight that I have and experiencing all of the thrills (I say this sarcastically) of shopping for clothes that never fit, for a hairstyle that accents a larger body rather than making me look bigger (that’s what shorter hair will do to you, ladies!), keeping my gaze away from on-lookers when they see me gorge in to the first hamburger with cheese I’ve had in weeks… I’m an emotional wreck. Everyone on TV, everyone in the movies, in the magazines, in the motivational pictures you see in the hallways… Everyone is so thin, so skinny. They look happy. They’re always the same size when it’s a picture of a couple.
This only creates the notion that there are requirements to relationships (more than their already are, yeesh!) and more importantly, happiness:
-You must be thin to be happy.
-You must be thin to live a normal, expected life in this world.
-You must be the same size as your significant other.
-You must choose a spouse that is the correct weight according to BMI.
Even further, it tells us:
-If you are not thin, you had better work on it.
-If you are not thin, you will never find happiness.
-If you are not thin, others will find you undesirable. The world already does away with you in the media.
-If you are not thin, you had better be with someone who is also not thin.
Now, I can hear your arguments:
“But it’s not that they’re thin. It’s that they’re healthy.”
Are they? Are they truly healthy with the reasons behind wanting to be thin? Are we fed that thinner is healthier, or are we fed that thinner is more desirable? Do we want to be thin, really, because it will prolong our life and keep awful diseases away? Do we want to be thin because obesity is a monster, as is diabetes? Do we want to be thin because an increase in weight keeps us from wanting to be social, gathers a loneliness inside of us, and makes us depressed?
No. We want to be thin because everyone else is. We want to be thin because it’s desirable, and no one will love us otherwise. We want to be thin because our men (or women) will leave us for the prettier, thinner model. We want to be thin because there is no ‘good’ relationship between thin and thick.
That can’t be true.. Look at Wilbur and Edna! Yes, I understand that this is a movie/theatrical performance. Yes, I realize that Edna is actually portrayed by a man. But, let’s give in to the immersion of the story, and look at the characters themselves.
Wilbur, just a moment before, was resisting without failure the taunts and flirtatious nature of the skinny, blonde, and perfectly tan Velma Von Tussel. She doesn’t even phase him with her tricks. He’s so in love, and even lusts after the love of his life, Edna. Edna, as formerly stated in the movie, is a triple E in bra size, and wears well over a size 10. She, like other ‘larger than regularly portrayed’ women is afraid to go outside, afraid for others to see her so large because she’s different. She’s insecure. And why shouldn’t she be? Even in the 60s, being large was ‘different’, and being ‘different’ was not ‘cool’. You didn’t strive to be different, you didn’t feel good about being yourself. You strive to conform, to be desirable, to be the image the public wants.
Yet, Wilbur loves Edna, and Edna loves Wilbur. With the help of her daughter Tracy, Edna goes out and finds out that somewhere, there are clothes that will fit her. Through Tracy’s determination and ambition, she sees that even ‘different’ and ‘larger’ women can achieve fame and the eye of the public in a positive way. She even dances on public, LIVE television in a short dress!
At the end of this movie, I found myself so proud. I even teared up a little. Edna has someone who is not the same shape as her. She has someone who loves her despite her own shape, and even cat calls and finds her so appealing. Wilbur loves her, and you can see it throughout the whole movie. He can’t even fathom that she would think he’d fall for Velma’s tricks because he’s so blinded from the ideals of society by his ‘timeless’ love for Edna.
I realized something watching this movie by myself, at 2 o’clock in the morning.
My husband has been saying for years he loves me, that I am beautiful, stunning, gorgeous. He acts to me just as Wilbur does to Edna. He never says a ill word about me, my beauty, my weakness, my social anxiety and paranoia of what others think of me because I’m larger than I ‘should be’. He says this daily, even, but I’ve never heard it. I never believed it. The ideas and public images in society have been so incredibly loud, so deafening on the outside and within my own mind that I couldn’t hear my husband. I couldn’t hear myself, crying and so desperate to be desirable when all along, I have been to the one who counts most.
Watching Wilbur and Edna, I realized that there is nothing wrong with me and my husband. We are the lucky ones with a roof over our head, a meal in our stomachs (even if it’s loaded with carbs!), and a baby boy who doesn’t know a life without love and acceptance. I have the dream. I really do.
But I didn’t realize it until I saw role models like Edna and Wilbur… So, where are they? Where are the role models for people like me and my husband? Or for the couples out there where the model-like women are head-over-heels for the man who can’t button his britches after a nice meal?
If you are skinny, and you’re with someone who’s skinny, I pray you don’t assume I intend for you to feel awful, or for your to feel like you won’t find love if you don’t find someone who doesn’t match your ‘shape’. That’s not what this post is about at all. This post is about being yourself, and that being good enough and better yet, desirable to the one you love.
That’s all that matters.
Thanks.
