Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Dentist Don't Do PAPs.

So I walk in to this building and I'm like, "Hey I'd like to make an appointment for me and my son." So we are hashing out details of appointment time and they ask, "Has Eli got his shots up to date?" I reply that I am pretty sure but I can get records if they need. Into sure why they asked me that cause I only needed dental work but who knows these days. So after a few more details she asks me if I would like a PAP.
... I stop and look at her bewildered. What an odd question for a dentist. Right?
"I am at a Dentist office right? Haha"
"You're at Family Medical of Melissa. The dentist is the next door over!"
"...........lets forget this happened!"
And I am blushing so hard right now.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Shout-out to my Mama

Those of you who have followed me on my numerous blogs, usernames, and aliases know that my mother and I have a very complex relationship. It's not perfect whatsoever. For the longest time, I thought that it should be, and that if it wasn't then something was wrong. And if something was wrong then it wasn't my fault. Naturally, it would be 100% hers.
Well, growing up as a mother has taught me a number of things.
  • You will never be completely 'worry free' again.
  • Your child will be the death of you with all the chaos, but it is your life and everything. (Imagine having more than one!)
  • You will never know exactly what to do in every situation that will come your way. Good luck.
In addition to being a mother, taking a wonderful required class called Life Span Growth & Development has also taught me a few things.
  • Every single thing you do affects your child.
  • Every single negative thing you do will negatively affect your child.
  • Every single most of the positive things you will do will be with the intent to raise your child in safety, with nurturing, and with strict discipline, and yet they will see it negatively.
  • Your child will end up in a psych ward because you will never be perfect. Good luck.
In addition to both of these, attending a group counseling session every week as often as I make it has also taught me a bit. This was probably the most important pieces of information that I've had, despite being the actual mother and attending a class about development of children. These important pieces have helped me a lot with my relationship with my mother.
  • You will never be perfect as a mother or a child. Caring for your child is what you really need to be a good mom. 
  • Every thing you do will affect your child, but don't stress about this because as long as you are trying you are being a good mom.
  • You are not the only person in the world who has trouble getting along with your mother. She is still a good mom.
  • You are not the only child in the world who has grown up making multiple mistakes in your life that make you think your mom hates you. You are still a good child, and she is still your mom. More importantly, she still loves you.
  • Your mother is not perfect. She never will be. She is still a good mom.
  • Every single mother-to-daughter relationship is different. Embrace it.
My mom and I do not get along well in long doses. For the longest time, I thought this was a bad thing. I also thought my mother hated me, and that I would always be angry with her. I expected her to be perfect, and in some cases, she expected me to do what I knew better than to do, and I disappointed her. She is set in her ways. I am hell-bent set in mine. So, needless to repeat, she and I do not get along well in long doses.
But the cool thing is that now, we don't see each other in long doses. When we do see each other, we don't bother with the past. You see, the cool thing about people that I learned in psychology is that there is evidence that people can change. I am not using this in the text of, 'my mom is soooo THIS and someday she'll change in to THAT'. I am saying that, all my life, I have expected perfection of her and if she didn't give it to me, I made sure to record it in my mind's handbook of Every Fault My Mother Has Ever Placed Upon Me.   I store it next to the Things That I Now Do That My Mother Does or Did, But I Am Not Bad For Them Like She Was  file.
No, I mean I have finally learned that can change. I can't change my mother. That's all her, but I've finally learned that I can change and be much more deserving of her love than I've been in the past. Does she have faults? Yes. But we are human, and God's children. Jesus didn't die on the cross for perfect people. He died on the cross for the sinners like my mother and I, and he doesn't condemn us. Why should we condemn each other? Why shouldn't I forgive my mom, if Jesus does?
So, in a fit of I Am So Mad It's Not My Mom's Fault All Along, I decided that I wasn't going to talk to her for a while. By this, I mean, sure on facebook I'll post and if she texts me, I"ll respond, but I was not actually going to call her myself. You see, my mother is a very important and busy person nowadays. She's just graduated from college and is now a teacher at her first real teaching job and is really being tested on her stamina. She's done fantastic at sticking it through, except that that now means that those who are not in her direct household any more kind of don't get any quality time any longer. I truly don't know how she sleeps with how busy she is, or how she keeps up with my two little sisters. I really don't.
But you see, I had decided that my mom's scarce presence was a direct insult to me. How dare she not call me every once in a while and ask me how I'm doing? How dare she be busy with her own life and household that is still living with her? (You see, I'm the oldest of 5.)  I get in to these moods every once in a while where I feel self-righteous and I send long messages to people because over the years, I've lost my ability to speak to people one vs one and actually get some conversation going without looking like an idiot, being interrupted, or being misinterpreted because I don't have time to think on my words prior to speaking them. With my mother, this was always the case. We both enjoy the last word. We are both Irish women, and yellers. Guess what one Irish Woman + another Irish Woman = ? You see how our relationship is a complex one?
So, anyhow, I sent this long message to my mother (I've sent plenty to her, as I said I have a habit to do, but this one was targeted on her lack of time for me and my family (husband+son)). In a nutshell, I told her she wasn't focusing on ME enough and I decided right then that I wasn't going to call her anymore. I was going to let her do the calling! That'll teach her!
So, in a really weird month that just passed, I rarely talked to my mom. Very few posts in facebook, and very infrequent text messages. It was very odd, and very quiet, but it was also needed. I found and accepted Christ again. All my life, I had tried, but my mom and immediate family were never big in religion, so it never stuck and I struggled a lot with believing in a God. This time, I'm an adult, and I can make my own choice to do so without peer pressure being the reason I 'signed up'. This time, I am trying every day to talk to him, or if I don't talk to him, open my heart to see if he's trying to talk to me. I'm going to a group every friday sometimes. I also now have a counselor I see every Tuesday and Thursday. Oh, and Sunday sometimes, I go to church at this place that isn't a total bummer and I really feel like I'm safe from judgment.  Also, I have changed my primary radio station to 101.7 (Air One ministry/Christian station) or podcasts in which I listen to Andy Stanley all the time.
So, while listening to this radio station, the lyrics of these songs, the praises of people who sound just like me... I don't feel alone any more. In my group counseling, I realize that no one is perfect, and that my mom and I are certainly not the worst people in the world, and there is hope for us.
And the first step is not for me to blame my mother. The first step is not for me to change her, or decide she needs to change. The first step is for me to forgive her. I need to forgive her of what I didn't like about my childhood. I need to forgive her about what I saw from my point of view of her. I need to forgive that she is a working woman now and doesn't have time to call me every day like I'm an only child. Instead of losing a few kids out of her house, she's adopted 30+ more each class a day!
I need to stop and think about why I'm mad at her. I need to decide if it's worth it to be mad at her, and if being mad at her changes anything.
It doesn't. I need to forgive her, and truly move on. I thought I'd forgiven her three years ago, but I found out that I hadn't forgiven some things. I'd picked and chosen what I was willing to forgive her for. God doesn't pick and choose with me, and if I am to aim to be like Jesus, then I need to also not condemn or pick and choose my forgiveness.
I love my mom. She's my Mama. I only have to share her with four others (thank GOD), but she will always be my Mama first. (Nener nener, Caitlin, Chris, Melody, & Geraden.)
Now, that I've given you a glimpse at my history with my mother, and the problems I am trying to work on, let me tell you what happened to day. Let me tell you why my mom deserves a shout out that is prefaced with a history that will truly show you how big of a deal this moment really was.
My mom called me today. This doesn't happen often any more, as I told you, I kind of cut off myself from talking to her for a while so I could get my shit together. So, she called me out of the blue to tell me some important news that was bigger than a text message could imply. My youngest brother Geraden has officially signed his papers and is shipping off to the Nation Guard boot camp in January. Wow. What big news. I asked her how Tim (my other father/her husband) felt about it, and she said they were happier that it was the National Guard and that he wouldn't be gone so long, hopefully. I said, "That's cool. Thank you for telling me. I'm proud." and prepared to hang up because of reasons.
But she kept on the phone with me. I don't even remember the small talk we had that lead in to talking about college, but I eventually led in to, "Oh, by the way I changed my major."
"You did?"
"Yeah. I changed it from Nursing to English. Even though I'm not getting a lot of support in my decision (because everyone who seems to know everything keeps saying it's a worthless degree), I read a blog article that basically said that majoring in something you're interested in will get you to keep up the whole 4 years to graduate, and that degree is a huge stepping stone in to getting all kinds of jobs, no matter the degree. Also, I don't mind becoming an English teacher, even if what I'd really like to do is be an author."
She said a few things that I expected like, "Oh cool," and stuff, and I went on to say that this change was making it very hard to focus and give a damn about my current classes that were strictly for Nursing, and then she said something that blew my mind out of the water.
"I don't know if I'll ever be an author, but I'd really like to be. I really want to try." I told her.
"I have to let you go because I just got home, but do something for me. Go look up the biography of the author of the Divergent trilogy. I love you! Bye!"
I have never read Divergent, or it's other books. I hadn't even known it was becoming a movie. I hadn't even heard of this author, but it was such an odd request, I did it anyway.
So, this author's name is Veronica Roth. Growing up, she also was not religious until she took it upon herself. Her parents were also divorced. She also has multiple siblings. I have feelings that she has also probably had growing up with these similarities, and yet here she is, some hot shot author of a trilogy that is being made in to movies. She's a growing Christian. She's making it happen and it came to her in college. She also has a blog she actively writes in here.
I am crying. It's not a big deal because I cry a lot and at everything, but I am deeply moved by this. My mother telling me to look at this author's bio tells me a lot of things, but the two main points I got were:
  • "She did it. So can you. I believe in you."
  • My mother pays a lot more attention to me, my life, and how I feel about things than I realize or ever give her credit for.
Mom and Me - Wedding
Excuse my language, but I don't fucking need anyone else's opinion or support, because after a long battle with her and myself, I realize I have the only support I need and ever wanted - and I've had it all along. Words cannot express this feeling I have inside.
So, shout out to my Mama, because not only have I struggled, she's seen every piece of it, and struggled too, and yet she can still pull out things like this and speak to me on my own playing field to get my attention and tell me that she's there to back me up.
This is also what God has been doing lately, getting on my own playing field to speak to me. So, in a way, I think today Mom was pretty godly.
Thank you, Mom.
Thank you, God.
Atkeisson N.
(P.S. Congratulations Geraden. I am so proud of you.)

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Call Me Maybe - Sleeping Beauty Parody

I threw a wish in a well
Don't ask me I'll never tell
How I wondered 'bout you
And now animals have your clothes
When you come and steal the lead in a dance
I don't blink twice or think of the chance
You may be here to kill me
It's like in Snow White, I learned nothing
Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But I've seen you before
I think it was in a dream
It's hard to look right
at you baby
So instead, let's dance and
we'll runaway maybe
You took no time with the fall
You told your dad, he was all
'Lolnope you're already betrothed'
But secretly it's me
It's too bad that I can't sew
A spindle, pricked on that glow
Make out so that I can know
You're still in my way
Your stare was holding
In to a dragon a lady was molding
All your laundry, I'll be folding
If it's this princess that you'll be holding.
Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
Did I mention I'm sixteen?
You kissed me as a baby.
It's hard to look right
at you baby
Don't wake the city
Cause it's naptime baby
Hey I just met you
And this is crazy
Three fairies told me
I'm gonna have your babies
It's hard to look right
at you baby
But I knew you once-a
-upon-a-dream, maybe
Before you came in to my life
I dreamed you so bad
It made that witch mad
But now my kingdom's glad.
Before you came in to my life,
I dreamed you're so rad
And you should know that
I wanna have your babies.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

(You're) Timless to Me

I have a question for this nation (United States of America).
Why don’t we have more role models like Edna and Wilbur? Why is it increasingly thrust upon us as a society that a perfect relationship, while having many ‘requirements’, being a skinny woman is a must? Not only is it a must for the woman to be skinny, but why is it shameful for a man to pick a woman who is not? Why are they frowned at and called ‘chubby chasers?’ Further more on the flip side, why is it frowned upon for a skinny woman to choose a larger man?
My husband is six-foot-one, weighs less than 170lbs, and eats well beyond what he should and it never shows. He’s just as lean and tall as he’s always been, and even the small amount that he’s gained isn’t note-worthy anywhere on his body. He’s a bean pole.
I am five-foot-one, weighing in at just beneath 200lbs and I am constantly starving myself (no, not literally starving because I know to lose weight you must still eat, but it feels like starving when you give up your favorite foods at first!) and it never shows. I used to be a ‘healthy’ woman of 130lbs who was physically active every day in dance, but my life changed completely with the birth of my one and only son.
Since gaining the weight that I have and experiencing all of the thrills (I say this sarcastically) of shopping for clothes that never fit, for a hairstyle that accents a larger body rather than making me look bigger (that’s what shorter hair will do to you, ladies!), keeping my gaze away from on-lookers when they see me gorge in to the first hamburger with cheese I’ve had in weeks… I’m an emotional wreck. Everyone on TV, everyone in the movies, in the magazines, in the motivational pictures you see in the hallways… Everyone is so thin, so skinny. They look happy. They’re always the same size when it’s a picture of a couple.
This only creates the notion that there are requirements to relationships (more than their already are, yeesh!) and more importantly, happiness:
-You must be thin to be happy.
-You must be thin to live a normal, expected life in this world.
-You must be the same size as your significant other.
-You must choose a spouse that is the correct weight according to BMI.
Even further, it tells us:
-If you are not thin, you had better work on it.
-If you are not thin, you will never find happiness.
-If you are not thin, others will find you undesirable. The world already does away with you in the media.
-If you are not thin, you had better be with someone who is also not thin.
Now, I can hear your arguments:
“But it’s not that they’re thin. It’s that they’re healthy.”
Are they? Are they truly healthy with the reasons behind wanting to be thin? Are we fed that thinner is healthier, or are we fed that thinner is more desirable? Do we want to be thin, really, because it will prolong our life and keep awful diseases away? Do we want to be thin because obesity is a monster, as is diabetes? Do we want to be thin because an increase in weight keeps us from wanting to be social, gathers a loneliness inside of us, and makes us depressed?
No. We want to be thin because everyone else is. We want to be thin because it’s desirable, and no one will love us otherwise. We want to be thin because our men (or women) will leave us for the prettier, thinner model. We want to be thin because there is no ‘good’ relationship between thin and thick.
That can’t be true.. Look at Wilbur and Edna! Yes, I understand that this is a movie/theatrical performance. Yes, I realize that Edna is actually portrayed by a man. But, let’s give in to the immersion of the story, and look at the characters themselves.
Wilbur, just a moment before, was resisting without failure the taunts and flirtatious nature of the skinny, blonde, and perfectly tan Velma Von Tussel. She doesn’t even phase him with her tricks. He’s so in love, and even lusts after the love of his life, Edna. Edna, as formerly stated in the movie, is a triple E in bra size, and wears well over a size 10. She, like other ‘larger than regularly portrayed’ women is afraid to go outside, afraid for others to see her so large because she’s different. She’s insecure. And why shouldn’t she be? Even in the 60s, being large was ‘different’, and being ‘different’ was not ‘cool’. You didn’t strive to be different, you didn’t feel good about being yourself. You strive to conform, to be desirable, to be the image the public wants.
Yet, Wilbur loves Edna, and Edna loves Wilbur. With the help of her daughter Tracy, Edna goes out and finds out that somewhere, there are clothes that will fit her. Through Tracy’s determination and ambition, she sees that even ‘different’ and ‘larger’ women can achieve fame and the eye of the public in a positive way. She even dances on public, LIVE television in a short dress!
At the end of this movie, I found myself so proud. I even teared up a little. Edna has someone who is not the same shape as her. She has someone who loves her despite her own shape, and even cat calls and finds her so appealing. Wilbur loves her, and you can see it throughout the whole movie. He can’t even fathom that she would think he’d fall for Velma’s tricks because he’s so blinded from the ideals of society by his ‘timeless’ love for Edna.
I realized something watching this movie by myself, at 2 o’clock in the morning.
My husband has been saying for years he loves me, that I am beautiful, stunning, gorgeous. He acts to me just as Wilbur does to Edna. He never says a ill word about me, my beauty, my weakness, my social anxiety and paranoia of what others think of me because I’m larger than I ‘should be’. He says this daily, even, but I’ve never heard it. I never believed it. The ideas and public images in society have been so incredibly loud, so deafening on the outside and within my own mind that I couldn’t hear my husband. I couldn’t hear myself, crying and so desperate to be desirable when all along, I have been to the one who counts most.
Watching Wilbur and Edna, I realized that there is nothing wrong with me and my husband. We are the lucky ones with a roof over our head, a meal in our stomachs (even if it’s loaded with carbs!), and a baby boy who doesn’t know a life without love and acceptance. I have the dream. I really do.
But I didn’t realize it until I saw role models like Edna and Wilbur… So, where are they? Where are the role models for people like me and my husband? Or for the couples out there where the model-like women are head-over-heels for the man who can’t button his britches after a nice meal?
If you are skinny, and you’re with someone who’s skinny, I pray you don’t assume I intend for you to feel awful, or for your to feel like you won’t find love if you don’t find someone who doesn’t match your ‘shape’. That’s not what this post is about at all. This post is about being yourself, and that being good enough and better yet, desirable to the one you love.
That’s all that matters.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Stacy Marilyn

Really, I feel like I should lead in with good things I have to say about pregnancy, but right now, I am having one of those depressing moments where I don't give a damn. The following post is not to inspire you, it's not to claim any beliefs in this or that. This post is therapy for me. This post is truth, no formula to writing, just coming as I go. This post is probably left better hidden away if you're thinking from a high society stand point, but you know what? Who gives a damn? It's the internet and if it's not too busy making fake personas of ourselves for the world to see, I would like to leave a real statement.
It hurts to watch people get pregnant. It hurts to watch people have miscarriages. It hurts to watch people give birth and post pictures of their loved ones. It hurts so damn much, and what's worse, is that it hurts to feel like this and already have a child.
Elijah is my son, and he is perfect, and he is wonderful. He's.. literally my little miracle. I'll tell you that story another time. Literally came in to this world by way of circumstances that can only be concluded as an act of God in my opinion.
This isn't about Eli.
This is about Stacy.
Stacy is a little girl that I want so terribly bad. Stacy is a little girl whom I have had dreams about that I don't tell anyone because I'm afraid to. Stacy is someone that I'm not sure anyone can understand if I were to try, because she's not here.
When I was pregnant, I was scared. Matthew came along and long story short, we're making it happen and living the dream. There was a TON of judgment from EVERYONE. He's not the real father. You should marry the biological. He shouldn't be dating a pregnant woman. She is only marrying him so that she doesn't have to do this alone. She's a slut and she's getting what she deserves. Why does she get to have a baby without trying, but I can't have one at all? Why did her son, someone who wasn't supposed to be here, live when mine didn't? 

The best part is that, he wasn't planned. He wasn't expected. He was created from something so awful, so terrible.. and because all of that past is behind him, behind us.. I feel he will always be perfect, and happy, and rarely ever cry. He's so pure, so good. And f*ck you if you don't think I should have been given him.
It's also the worse part, that he wasn't planned. I was robbed of that moment where you get to try for a kid, where you get to test the pee stick, where you get to plan how you're going to tell your significant other, where you get to plan a nursery and nest and for the most part have it together.
A lot of women, when I cry about this, use comforting words such as, "Well, that's what happens when you're being stupid." "That's what happens when you have unprotected sex." Guess what? It was protected. Elijah was MEANT to happen.
I guess the real reason I am writing this post is because I'm crying again about Stacy. She's the girl that I can't have. When Matthew and I thought about having another one, we weren't stressing over the small stuff. We loved the first piece of our family and we wanted another. Can you believe that some people would say - and not even behind my back - Why do you want another? You already got one! - Don't cry that you can't have any more. You had one. That's more than any of us. - Your pain comes from wanting your cake and to eat it, too. 

My favorite form of invalidating my pain and frustration with not being able to have kids (at least right now. I say that because I just can't give up on the dream that I may one day meet Stacy through.. I don't know. Some miracle) is when people tell me 'Don't give up. There are people who can't and then ten years later, something changes and they can!'

Alright. Let me stop crying, your point is so well made. Let me forget this pain, as if it's no big deal that Matt and I tried, and tried, and tried. That we went to a gyno, and then to a infertility center. That we both got tested. Matthew is fantastic. Guess who's not? Guess who seemingly has ALL the right parts, but not oil to work them? Guess who's the reason that this family will never meet Stacy.
Honest to God, I feel like she's someone - something that I need to let go. I feel like she's a dream. Having one child almost killed me, yes, but I never thought it may be the reason I couldn't have another. It's just... And I feel like an adolescent saying this, but...
It's not fair.

How can you miss someone you've never met? How can you dream of someone who can never be?

This sucks. 

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Write a Letter to your 10-Year-Old Self.

SoulPancake created a video in which a few people wrote letters to their 10-year-old selves. Watch it, and then think... What would you write to your 10-year-old self?

Dear 10-Year-Old Miranda, 
I know that right now, life sucks. Mom's found this new guy Tim, and Dad is seeing different women as well, some of which you are going to absolutely hate. Be strong. It gets better. Tim turns in to this amazing guy that you even call Dad nowadays, and one of the women Dad meets, Lori, becomes his wife and though your start is rough, very rough, by the time you have your own son, you're both grown up and ready to be related - and like it! 
Old Self, remember that Caitlin is only 3 or 4 years old right now, and she needs you most of all. She won't have those memories you do of Dad, and she'll be easier accepting of Tim. Maybe it's cause her mind isn't clouded by judgement and fond memories of your dad, that she's more accepting of this new man. Follow her lead. Tim's awesome. 
Old Self, you're also getting two new brothers (and a sister much later), and they are going to be total brats. That's okay, because they are going to grow up to be fine young gentlemen. We still don't hear from Chris since he's gone to college, but when we DO see him around holidays, he seems to be doing just fine. Geraden will meet this girl named Hayley, and she's pretty fantastic. When he's with her, he's a new person, and I think he's growing up to be a great guy. Right now, they still aren't attached to the idea of being real siblings with you and Caitlin, but.. Don't ever lose hope. I still haven't. 
Old Self, when you're 17 on Valentine's Day, and your friend Holly calls you to thank you for the Valentine's Card you left for her on her car windshield.. Don't be scared. You're going to flip your car a total of four times across the construction of State Highway 121. You live! In fact, you hardly even get scratched save for the memory loss you'll suffer. It's actually hard to write to you right now, because I can't remember much! 
Old Self, one of the hardest lessons you'll learn, you'll learn when you've graduated high school. When no one has to see you any more at school and lie to your face, they'll tell you the truth in a facebook message. They'll tell you about how no one really liked you during Freshman, Sophomore, and Junior year.. Basically you're entire existence at Guyer. They'll tell you that because of the hard times you went through, and how you reacted to them by crying at school all the time, no one wanted to be your friend, and at some times, they even believed you worthless. 
You. Are Not. Worthless. 
When this happens, remember the year you moved to The Colony and started school with April. She's basically going to be your entire life until you move to Alabama. You'll have so much fun with her, that you'll forget about the others who were so cruel. Later on, when you accept Christ in to your heart, you'll even come to forgive the others for being so hateful. We were all teenagers, and you and I are no exception to the hard times that come with being one. High School is totally brutal, and you'll want to give up quite a few times.  
Don't. Just remember, when you graduate, things get pretty interesting.  
One last thing.. When you become a Freshman and you spend a few months living with your dad in Van Alstyne, and you can't stand the small town you live in cause there's nothing to do, and everyone seems to look at you like an outsider.... When you meet him, when you meet Matthew and tell yourself "That's the guy I'm going to marry." 
.. You totally called it. You're living happily ever after with a 3-year-old. 
Twenty-Two Year Old Me. 

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Guess Who's Going to College?

Guess who got accepted in to college?

Obviously, I'm joking. However, I did apply for college recently and this time around, I am aiming to be an RN (Nursing). It's something that's been an interest in the back of my mind and has pulled up in every one of those aptitude tests they make you take in High School, but when I looked at it, I laughed. Me? A nurse? When I suck so much at Biology class? You've got to be kidding me.

Well, I guess I'm growing up a bit, because now I see Biology Class as a challenge! Bring it on! If it's something I can knock out of my way to being a Nurse, then let's do this.

I suppose step one is to get accepted to the college I'm applying for. So, I went to applytexas.org and did the whole ordeal, and I got an email from them! Here's what it said:

So, not a total loss, right? It's just... six.. very... intimidating things I need to do to accomplish my goal. If I can pass these, I can do anything! Hurrah!
  1. So, I have to talk to my old colleges and get transcripts. I can do that. No problem.
  2. Ditto.
  3. Driver's license? Got one. Done!
  4. Educational History Form: Addendum to Admissions - What does that even mean?!
  5. Final High School Transcript from TCHS for residency... Okay. Should be easy as the colleges, I think?
  6. Bacterial Vaccine. THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.

Those of you who don't know me that well, I can't stand shots. It's not even the shot part, or the 'vaccinations are so bad for you' junk that the internet feeds us these days. It's the 'I'm about to break your skin with a needle and sting you like a bee, mofo!' that I can't handle. It's like a tattoo: I want one so bad, but OHGODITISGOINGTOHURT. Or at least, in my head, I build it up for hurting a lot. I bet it's no big deal. Anyway, I digress.

I suppose if I am going to go in to NURSING, I should get used to a shot or two... hundred. Harrharr. I made a funny.

Anyhow, this is my road map to college:
  • Get my transcripts, get the shot, find out what the Addendum is and do it, and bring it all to admissions at the school of my choice.
  • Purge myself of unhealthy habits, such as talking myself out of working my ass off for my DREAMS.
  • Save up money for textbooks. If I remember correctly, they hurt.
  • Debate with myself about getting a counselor.

That's all for now. Enjoy your morning, everyone.